Wednesday, November 16, 2011

geek with curves: The Millennium Falcon Makes a Perfect Apple Pie

geek with curves: The Millennium Falcon Makes a Perfect Apple Pie

This is awesome... and tasty.

The Droids Follow

Artoo wasn't staying as told.
Staying put wasn't fun so he rolled
To catch up with his master.
Straight into disaster
Along with his buddy of gold.

And C3PO gasped with shocked awe
To see what went on deep in the maw.
To see droid making droid
Was a crime even Freud
Would have blushed to have seen what he saw.

"No pushing, Artoo" the droid warned.
But the little one wouldn't be scorned.
A small push firmly dealt
Put his friend on the belt
And it carried him off as he mourned.

Artoo, using rockets, gave chase.
The assembly line took 3PO's face,
Pulled it off of his body,
(that connection was shoddy)
Then affixed it to a battle droid base.

He said, "I'm confused!" (but no crying)
But Artoo right on past kept on flying.
To rescue Amidala
Who was trying to crawla
And get outta the bowl before dying.

Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Stay Tuned: It's Not Dead Yet.

One of these days, I'll find time to get back to this project. Today is not that day. Enjoy this double dactyl:

Fizzaley Bizzaley
Jason the Talibutt,
Keeping so busy he's
Slacked on this task

Rewriting Star Wars is
Thanks for your patience; its
All I can ask.

Thursday, September 15, 2011

Padme and Anakin Arrive on Geonosis

As they land in a column of steam,
The two rescuers plan and they scheme.
“Ani, follow my lead
As to how to proceed,
With diplomacy.” (Padme’s main theme.)

So with that this pair marched through the cave,
Left the droids, saying, “You two behave.”
T’was a hard thing to do
For the little R2.
For a droid, he was gallantly brave.

Up ahead, the two humans went deeper
Inside of the cave which grew steeper.
Sensing creatures were coming,
His lightsaber humming,
Ani cut through a charging cave creeper.

Then he swung and cut down a few more
As Padme escaped through a door.
Then their walkway retracted
Before Padme reacted,
She slipped and fell down to the floor.

A conveyor belt broke Padme’s fall,
But before she rejoiced her close call
The belt took her away
Towards a factory. “Hey!
Where you going?” Ani called from the wall.

So he jumped down to follow her lead.
(Because that was the plan they’d agreed.)
Soon the cave’s rocky scenery
Gave way to machinery
Making legions of droids at great speed!

Friday, September 9, 2011

Count Dooku Attempts to Sway Obi Wan

Obi Wan hung from glowing restraints
As he waits with the patience of saints.
He was seen by the Count
Who then tried to discount
His involvement; He playacts complaints...

“I will ask that they let you go soon!”
Promised Dooku (who then changed his tune...)
As he tried to sway Obi
To join him, although, be
Assured he was really a goon.

“The Jedi are blind to the fact
That the Sith have a growing impact.
The Senate is under
their sway and I wonder
If it’s already too late to act.”

“I need help,” Dooku went on to say,
“So it’s fortunate you’re here today.
If we work as a team,
We’ll uncover their scheme...”
“Work with you?” Obi answered, “No way!”

He continued, “I’ll never join you!
You’re a fraud, that’s the last thing I’d do.”
Dooku’s brow made a crease,
“To secure your release
May be difficult.” Then he withdrew.

Wednesday, August 17, 2011

What To Do?

Bail Organa was sure there’d be war.
They would have to act fast just before
An offensive attacked.
There was one daunting fact:
Only two hundred Jedi in store!

“That’s too little! We need some more troops!”
“We have clones...a whole army of dupes.”
“If we wait on the Senate
...this whole voting tenet...
There’s no time, we must find some new loops... (as in loopholes, sorry nothing else fit here)

“If we granted emergency power
To the Chancellor, the man of the hour,
We could bypass a vote,
Get those clones on a boat,
And the Trade Federation will cower.”

“But who would propose such a thing?
Who has the influence to swing
All the Sens to agree?”
Jar Jar Binks said, “Pick me!”
“This proposal is one I will bring.”

Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Distress Signal

Artoo held his silence no more
And played Obi’s message before
It became obsolete.
With a beep and a tweet
Obi’s hologram stood on the floor.

“Resend this message to base!”
Said the Jedi, concern on his face.
Padme forwarded on
To: Base, From: Obi Wan
“Emergency Call From Deep Space!”

“Jango Fett led me to Geonosis
Where I found those Trade guys without noses
And the Guilds and Count Dooku
Are making things cuckoo...
Things are bad, that’s my expert prognosis.”

Then the message cut off in mid-stream
As the Jedi was jumped by a team
Of Droidekas with guns.
These things were the ones
That had shields: Battle Robots Supreme.

“Young Anakin, stay where you are.
We will send out more Jedi to spar
With the Count.” Windu said.
But by then Obi’d be dead
Because Coruscant just was too far.

Padme said, “I don’t think that they’ll make it.
The chance is now ours so let’s take it.”
Ani liked how she thought
Not to do as they ought...
Direct order? They’d be nuts not to break it.

Friday, July 22, 2011

Anakin’s Confession

Padme tried very hard to console
Her friend who was out of control,
Getting madder, he vented.
“Could mom’s death be prevented?”
“There are some things you just can’t control.”

“But I could have!” he screamed, almost crying.
“And some day I’ll have power,” implying
That before too much longer
He’d become ten times stronger
With the power to stop needless dying.

“Obi Wan has been holding me back
‘Cuz he knows I’m the best in the pack.
What’s he afraid of?
I knows what I’m made of.”
Then he hurled his wrench ‘cross the shack.

His eyes weren’t containing his rage.
He admitted the slaughter he’d wage
Against Tusken Raiders,
There were no evaders
Regardless of gender or age.

Thursday, July 14, 2011

A Droid Army Buildup

Obi Wan came upon some construction
building droids and machines of destruction.
Then he spied on some scheming
By an unholy teaming
Making plans for Republic obstruction.

There was Gunray, our noseless aggressor
And Count Dooku, Padme’s secret oppressor.
They had power to flex
‘Cuz an army of mechs
Was supplied by Sir Poggle the Lesser.

There were others who joined Dooku’s ranks
From the Commerce Guild and from the banks.
With a treaty on the table
They were willing and able
To sign and say, “Show me the tanks!”

Obi tried to send out an alert
So the Jedi could try to avert
This impending civil war
They had not seen before.
He opened his commlink to blurt...

“Anakin do you read me?” he said.
The response from Naboo’s end was dead.
“What on earth can this mean?
His signal comes from Tatooine!”
So he sent his alert there instead.

That message was heard by Artoo
Who was on Tatooine, not Naboo.
Artoo listened and learned
And then Anakin returned
His revenge on the Tuskens was through.

LEGO Star Wars: Tusken Raider Encounter (7113)

Friday, July 8, 2011


Leaving Padme with his newfound kin,
Ani found where the Sand People’d been.
They exerted their presence
And murdered some peasants
Ani’s head now was starting to spin.

He caught up with their camp after dark
And found him a nice place to park.
Hut to hut the boy slid
To where mother was hid
When he found her, she made no remark.

She was tied to a frame in a hut.
Her face had been beaten and cut.
When she opened her eyes
She was near her demise
Ani felt he’d been kicked in the gut.

He said, “Mom, I am here, you are saved.”
She was close to the freedom she craved.
She said, “Son, I am proud...”
And then met death’s dark shroud.
She’d been freed but her son was enslaved...

...By the Dark Side, it came creeping in.
This is where his descent did begin.
He was losing his calm.
They would pay for his mom.
They’d ignited a fire deep within.

He let go and emerged from the tent
He was stressed and he needed to vent.
He lit up his saber
And started the labor
Of releasing the rage that was pent.

Wednesday, July 6, 2011

Shmi's Family

The two lovebirds arrived at a bluff
Near a home that was lonely and rough.
From the ship they withdrew,
“You stay here, ‘kay, Artoo?
We need you to stay with our stuff.”

As they neared the conventional dwelling,
A friendly droid greeted them telling
Them, “I am C3PO...
Wait a sec’ don’t I know...
Master Anakin! My joy circuit’s swelling!”

Ani’s patience was tested and tried.
“I’m looking for mom,” he replied.
The droid seemed sincere
With a caring, “Oh dear...
...I think we had better go inside.”

In the courtyard introductions were made.
Owen Lars and Beru, then conveyed
Though they had different mother’s
The two were step-brothers
And that Shmi had been snatched in a raid.

Old man Cliegg nearly paid with his life
As his rescue attempt met with strife
It had been thirty days
And although Cliegg still prays,
There was just not much hope for her life.

Ani said, “She’s alive! I can feel it.”
My dreams and the Force, they reveal it.
I will go bring her back,
And I probably will smack
A few Tusken’s, those Raiders will squeal

Monday, July 4, 2011

A Word About Limericks - The Anapest

As I've discussed before in a post back on May 13th, the limerick is composed of five lines: Two long, two short, one long. To state that more accurately, lines 1,2 and 5 consist of three anapestic feet, while lines 3 and 4 have only 2 anapestic feet.

But what is an anapest? Simply put, the anapest is the basic building block of a limerick and is responsible for the familiar bouncy meter we find in limericks. An anapestic foot is a three syllable section, beginning with two unstressed syllables followed by an accented syllable.

Saturday, July 2, 2011


Geonosis, a rocky red planet:
Buttes and mesas...stalagtites did span it.
Obi found revelation,
The Trade Federation
Was based here and Count Dooku ran it.

Friday, July 1, 2011


From the void, two small ships do appear,
First Slave I, the Fett’s thought they were clear.
But a split second later
They found a tailgater,
Obi caught up and brought up the rear.

The Fetts raced t’wards an asteroid field.
But Kenobi, unwilling to yeild,
Bravely followed them in
Let the dogfight begin!
The nerves of both parties were steeled.

Dodging astroids and firing shots,
Barrages of laser onslaughts,
Jango scored a hit
That just hurt a tiny bit
And fired a missle to finish his thoughts.

Using every last bit of his smarts,
Obi let go his cans of spare parts
With an intake of breath,
He faked his own death.
He appeared to be blown off the charts.

The Fett’s in their ‘victory’ wallowed,
But Obi had not yet been swallowed.
Despite Jango’s big pride,
Obi managed to hide,
And a few minutes later he followed.

Thursday, June 30, 2011

Watto Revisited

The familiar dry place, Tattooine
Is where we will find the next scene.
Our young pair has returned
To the place two suns burned;
To the shop of old Watto the Mean.

They found him attempting to fix
A small droid making whistles and clicks.
Watto stammered in fright
At the strange Jedi knight
Til he recognized Anakin’s tricks.

Ani fixed the droid and turned it on
Any doubts Watto had were now gone.
There was only one kid
Who could do what Ani did
“It IS you, you little Sith-spawn!”

“I came here to look for my ma
To save her the pain I foresaw.”
Watto already sold her...
A guy named Lars told her
That she could be free, Oh! Hurrah!

To Anakin, this was good news
That Shmi was now free, no issues!
Now he just had to find
This Lars to ease his mind.
A trip crost the desert ensues.

Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Obi vs. Jango

After his transmission was sent,
Back inside Obi Wan went
To Jango Fett’s dwelling.
Suspicions were swelling.
He was missing in any event.

Seeing Jango Fett’s near-empty dorm,
Obi rushed to the landing platform.
There was Fett and his son
Preparing Slave One
To take off in the bitter rainstorm.

He switched on his sword as he ran.
Giving Jango no time to preplan.
Fett took careful aim.
Obi came just the same,
Batting lasers as fast as he can.

His charge hadn’t gone as he planned.
They collided and fought hand to hand.
Somehow tangled in wires,
Jango’s rocket misfires,
They fell and saw the ocean firsthand.

Jango dug in his wrist mounted claws,
T’was enough to give his descent pause.
But Obi slid past,
He’d better think fast
It appeared he met watery jaws.

Fett ascended and ran to his ship.
Obi Wan, with a hop and a skip,
Made a throw that was nice,
A small tracking device
Connected with magnetic grip.

Monday, June 20, 2011


The nightmares in Skywalker’s head
Had stirred the young man from his bed.
What had broken his calm
Was a dream of his mom,
She was suffering, or even worse, dead.

Though he risked looking weak and pathetic
He revealed that his dreams were prophetic.
So Naboo’s former queen
Said, “Go to Tattooine,
I’ll come too, so your mandate isn’t...forgettic.” (sorry)

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Flirting Again (I think this is the last of it)

In the evening the two love birds had dinner.
Ani showed off a Force trick: Fruit Spinner!
The fruit hovered and floated,
On Padme, he doted.
Had his game on, the big cheesy grinner.

He cut up the fruit into strips
And floated a piece to her lips.
He gave all he was worth
To elicit her mirth
With his smooth Jedi tricks and his quips.

Later on they enjoyed a warm fire.
Ani showed, once again, his desire.
Though it drove them berserk,
This affair couldn’t work
Because Jedi for love can’t aspire.

On Kamino, our deft Jedi sleuth,
Sent a message that spelled out the truth
To Yoda and Mace
Of this odd cloning place
And the army that was armed to the tooth.

T’was alarming that they could not see
In advance this stealth activity.
Should they inform the Senate?
Honesty was a tenet
But Yoda said, “For now, let it be.”

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Obi Wan Meets Jango Fett

Obi Wan and Taun We rang the bell,
Then waited for the boy to go tell
His dad they had guests.
The onus then rests
Upon Obi to question him well.

Obi sized up this man, Jango Fett.
He suspected the same guy he met
As a shooter of darts
From a place off the charts,
This was HIM, he was willing to bet.

Obi spotted on the small closet floor
Was some armor that was from Mandalore.
“Sifo-Dyas, have you met him?”
Obi Wan tried to let him
Get tangled in questions. He asked more.

Jango claimed Darth Tyranus was his boss,
A name for which Obi was at a loss
Obi studied his eyes
And then said his goodbyes.
This man’s lying was making him cross.

Jango’s nerve had begun to unweave.
And he wiped a sweaty brow on his sleeve.
He said, “I’ve had enough,
Boba, pack up your stuff.
On the double, it is time that we leave.”

Thursday, June 16, 2011

More Disgusting Flirting
(Almost done with this part, I promise!)

On Naboo, Ani had to change gears.
He asked Padme, “Think back a few years...
Tell me ‘bout your first crush.”
Without blushing a blush
She said, “Curly hair Palo?” Ani sneers.

“He became an artist, “ she doted,
“I went into politics and voted.”
“Maybe going into art
Was a little more smart,”
Noted Ani, who mischievously gloated.

“I get the sense you don’t like politicians”
Said the object of Ani’s ambitions.
“Oh...there’s two or three,
And another...maybe
That I’ve met on a few of my missions.”

He complained that the system was broken,
That solutions were not often spoken,
Padme explained that they tried
But that often each side
Had flexibility that was oaken.

“Then something that occurs to me
Is that they should be made to agree,
By a strong and wise leader
And not a heart bleeder,”
Said Ani, a little idealistically.

“So you think that a despot should rule?”
Amidala asked, losing her cool.
“If it works,” Ani shrugged.
She ‘bout near came unplugged,
‘Til it dawned that he was playing the fool.

They were there for the whole afternoon
In the meadow, these two did commune.
There was more issue skirting
And some really bad flirting,
But I’d rather be gagged with a spoon.

(Next time it’s back to the action!)

Wednesday, June 15, 2011

Welcome, Visitors from

This morning I rolled in to find an unusually large number of hits on the hit in 10 times the normal amount of traffic for this blog. I found out that most of this is thanks to an entry from the blog.

Thanks to Chris Urie for the favorable review and to everyone else who tweeted it, digg'ed it, shared on facebook, or otherwise spread the word.

And while I'm at it, I'd like to thank the loyal longtime readers of my blog as well for all of your words of encouragement and for forgiving the occasional "near rhymes" and metering missteps. I wouldn't have stuck with this project this long if I didn't know that some of you out there are enjoying it.

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

A Kiss (Eeeewww, cover your eyes, kids!)

At the lakeside, a breathtaking scene,
The view from the lodge was serene.
She told stories from youth,
Anakin got uncouth...
Put the moves on...ya know what I mean?

As they talked, his stare grew more intense.
She was soft’ning, still riding the fence.
He leaned in and kissed her
She was not a resister,
Not at first...but then girls don’t make sense.

She apologized, “This isn’t right.”
It was more a safeguard than a slight.
A pained look on his face,
Ani slowed up the pace.
Pretending to agree, but not quite.

The tour at Kamino moved on,
His initial surprise almost gone.
As the cloner chief boasted,
Obi asked who had hosted,
He asked who’s DNA they had drawn.

T’was a hunter of bounties, named Fett
Who had not left the premises yet.
Obi Wan asked to meet him
(To catch and defeat him)
This hunter perhaps was Padme’s threat.

Next time: More Disgusting Flirting

Monday, June 13, 2011


They discussed Padme’s safety and asked
With what steps the “Master” Jedi had tasked.
“Oh, he’s not a Master,”
Smiled Padme, much faster
Than Anakin, the padawan unmasked.

That Padme had rejected his lead.
Had Ani just a little bit teed.
It was true, he was young
So he just held his tongue.
Once again, he would have to concede.

Her idea really wasn’t so bad.
They’d hide out at a cool lakeside pad.
And had Anakin known
That he’d have her alone,
He would never have gotten so mad.

Far across the outreaches of space,
Obi Wan had arrived at the place
Where the dart had come from.
In a swirling maelstrom,
He landed. He was back on the case.

He was met by the tall, thin Taun We
Who revealed they’re expecting Obi.
He masked his surprise
Which turned out to be wise,
Without knowing, they spilled the beans, see?

What he found chilled him deep in his bones.
The Kaminoans explained in hushed tones,
“When he last came to see us
Your Master Sifo-Dyas
Had ordered an army of clones.”

Next time: A Kiss

Star Wars Attack of the Clone Taun We Kamino Cloner Action Figure

Tuesday, June 7, 2011

Amidala Reports To The Queen

In the giant port city of Theed,
From the freighter our trio was freed.
Amidala and Ani,
With Artoo as the nanny,
Admired Naboo’s beauty indeed.

The humans shared stories of yore,
Remembrances of times before.
Like Padme’s short reign
And the people’s campain
To let Amidala rule more.

Amidala was glad to be through,
That her terms as queen numbered just two.
Though she quickly agreed
To be “Senator from Theed”.
Ani said, “The Republic needs you.”

Before long they were at the Queen’s court
With Coruscant news to report.
The queen named Jamillia
With whom I’m not
Questioned Count Dooku’s support.

“There are many,” the Senator said,
“Who are under Count Dooku’s wingspread.
If we dare enlist troops,
That would be a big ‘oops’,
It would mean civil war up ahead.”

“Does the Trade Federation still stand?
I had heard that some changes were planned
To reduce army size,
And if Gunray complies,
Then Hell will freeze over,” Queen panned.

“Ma’am, I doubt that we’ve had so much luck.
That Guild is still running amuck.
We don’t wan’t to have war,
Let us hope that a door
Will open so a deal can be struck.”

Next time: Kamino

Monday, June 6, 2011

Writer's Block

I apologize for the lack of new verses today. I've been going at this blog now for 61 days straight and have learned a lot about limerick writing. Today I'm starting to feel a little burned out on it. Between that and the fact that my work and personal life are keeping me pretty busy, I'm taking the day off. I'm also considering temporarily going to an every other day format instead of daily posts.

If you are in desperate need of a limerick fix today, perhaps you might find something else that I've been doing to be of interest to you. I signed up to participate in writing the world's first "Limericktionary" -- a dictionary where all of the definitions are given in limericks. So far I have 44 words that I've defined. 3 have been accepted by the Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form (OEDILF) editors and the other 41 are in various stages of editing and "work-shopping". Here are links to the accepted words:

Hopefully tomorrow I'll be back with new Star Wars verses. Until then, thanks for reading. 

Sunday, June 5, 2011

Younglings Help

Obi went to the archives again
For a map to this place that cloned men.
He tried to look where
Dex had’s not there!
Obi didn’t know where to go then.

With his lead getting cold and now waning,
He entered where younglings were training.
The kids were overseen
By the Master who’s green.
Basic Jedi techniques they were gaining.

“Kids, a visitor's here” Yoda said.
As they looked, Obi nodded his head.
“I’m sorry for disturbing,
But something quite perturbing.
Makes me fear that my trail has gone dead.

“It is likely that help you we can”
Said the short, green, and old, big-eared man.
“There’s an orbiting sphere
That’s supposed to be here,”
Pointed Obi, to a blank little span.

“Lost a planet? Embarrasing this.”
Master Yoda said, “Something’s amiss.”
Then an innocent faced
Youngling said, “It’s erased!”
Truly wonderful a child’s mind is.

Out of earshot, the Masters discussed
That this meant that a Jedi broke trust.
A whole planet was hidden
And this mystery was ridden
With betrayal. They just breached the crust.

Next time: Amidala Reports to the Queen

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Dex's Diner

Obi Wan followed up on the dart
That made the assassin depart.
The analysis droid
Did a search, came up void!
And the droid was supposed to be smart.

If their system did not have a match,
Obi Wan had a taxi to catch,
Because way across town
Was a man of renown--
Dex would strings attached.

Dexter Jettster owned a cafe
In a place that was out of the way.
When he saw Obi Wan,
Who was like his own son,
He ran out with a friendly display.

They sat down, Obi showed him the dart.
Dexter looked then had this to impart:
“Well looky what we know,
This came from Kamino.
See the markings, right here on this part?”

Obi Wan hadn’t heard of that world
But this case had to soon be unfurled.
He thanked Dex for his time,
Shedding light on this crime.
Off to find where this odd planet twirled.

Next time: Younglings Help

Friday, June 3, 2011

Departing Coruscant

Dressed as peasants, the two made their way
To the spaceport where huge freighters lay
Taking cargo and crew,
Occasionally a few
Bargain travellers, sub-par, but hey...

Obi Wan told his student, “Goodbye.
Won’t be long ‘til I’ve found the bad guy.
Don’t do nothing at all
Not unless you first call
...if long distance, a charge may apply...”

Padme thanked Obi Wan then they parted,
But almost as soon as they’d started
Padme said, “I am scared.”
And then Ani declared,
“Me too,” (Awww...he’s kind hearted)

“But at least we have got ol’ Artoo!”
Padme laughed. (I admit, I did too.)
Obi Wan, who was waiting,
Ends the scene simply stating,
“I hope that this day we won’t rue.”

Next time: Dex's Diner

Thursday, June 2, 2011

Anakin and Padme...Awkward...

Obi Wan had to voice his concern
At the choice of his youthful intern
To be Padme’s defender.
He thought him too tender
And too full of self, much to learn.

Master Yoda said, “Confidence friend.
His age he will have to transcend.
If he takes the right course
He will balance the Force.”
And Mace Windu did not move to contend.

Meanwhile Padme bequeathed her position
As Naboo’s elected polititian
To her friend, Jar Jar Binks,
Who, despite what we thinks,
Took it seriously, with humble ambition.

And then Skywalker tried to explain
The reason she couldn’t remain.
But she thought him a child
And it got Ani riled
His composure he had to regain.

She had to admit he was growing,
He even had some whiskers showing.
He looked deep in her eyes
Without trying to disguise
His feelings...yep, hormones were flowing.

Amidala then struggled to say,
“Please, don’t look at my face in that way.”
So Ani asked, “Why?”
They were suddenly shy.
And thus ended this awkward display.

Next time: Departing Coruscant

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Anakin's Solo Assignment

The next day these two Jedi reported
The near assassination they’d thwarted.
Obi Wan was assigned
To inquire and find
The Mando and the rockets he sported.

And now Ani was given a task,
Not a mystery case to unmask,
He’d continue his duty
To protect Padme’s booty
He’d volunteer in the case they didn’t ask.

They would have to return to Naboo,
Something he didn’t think think she would do.
Yoda said that she must
In their judgement keep trust.
If the Chancellor asked, she’d come through.

So to Palpatine’s chambers he went
To see if he’d lev’rage his bent
To persuade Amidala
To say, “Bye, give a holla!”
Or at least give reluctant consent.

The old Chancelor used this occasion
To influence with gentle persuasion,
And to stroke Ani’s pride
With a touch of Dark Side
You could say it was almost too brazen.

Next time: Anakin and Padme...Awkward...

Monday, May 30, 2011


After bandaging Zam Wesell’s arm
And threatening no further harm,
He then questioned the con,
“After who have you gone?”
But Zam Wesell did not buy his charm.

“Tell me who are you working for, now!”
Said Anakin, with a angry eyebrow.
“A bounty hunter called...Juuuuuuhhh.”
Anakin replied “Huh?”
Wesell died, but the question was, how?

Then a WHOOSH as a jetpack took flight
Up above dissapearing from sight.
Obi Wan, being smart,
Looked and found a small dart
In the neck of the lifeless Clawdite.

Next time: Anakin's Solo Assignment

Toxic Dart

Sunday, May 29, 2011

The Bar

Obi Wan then did enter the bar
And before he had gone very far
A dude with antennae...
or dreadlocks in henna?
Offered death sticks...whatever they are.

The Jedi just gestured his hand
For a trick the weak minded can’t stand
“You don’t want to sell this,”
He said, trying to dismiss.
And the weird dude repeated the command.

“Now go home and rethink your life, man”
The dude left from the bar, nay, he ran,
To go home and rethink.
Obi threw back a drink,
And he gave the rough bar a quick scan.

He sensed trouble which quickly he found.
I sensed Wesell and whipped right around.
He slashed with his sword
And then Zam Wesell roared,
‘Cuz her hand was now found on the ground.

Quickly Anakin rushed to his side,
Told the patrons, “We Jedi preside.
Go back to your beer,
Not a thing to see here.”
Then the Jedi took Wesell outside.

Next time: Interrogation

Vandor Star Wars Glasses, Set of 4

Saturday, May 28, 2011

Crash Landing

Hand to hand Zam and Anakin fought
Til a hole in the floorboard was shot
Spinning out of control
As the fight took its toll
They crashed in a nightlife hotspot.

Zam Wesell ran off through a door
Obi Wan caught up just before
His padawan gave chase,
Obi slowed up his pace,
He had Anakin’s sword to restore.

“The assassin’s a changeling,” said Ani.
As he dusted the dust from his fanny.
“And I’ve cause to suspect
That the person who wrecked,
Is a woman, mid-twenties, not a granny.”

Kenobi advised they slow down.
He’d teach patience and care to this clown.
“I’ve a feeling you’ll be
The death of ol’ me,”
Said the dry Jedi Knight with a frown.

“I’m trying my best,” said the younger,
Hardly hiding his hankering hunger,
To get in and find ‘er
And shackle and bind ‘er
And send this assassin down under.

“Go get her,” Obi said with a wink.
“But be careful and please try to think.”
His young pupil was glowing
And asked, “Where you going?”
Obi Wan answered, “I need a drink.”

Next time: The Bar

Friday, May 27, 2011

Midair Struggle

Zam was startled to see a new rider
And then slammed on the brakes of the glider.
Ani flew to the front
Where he slammed with a grunt
...For a second Zam looked like a spider?

We will find that this Zam can disguise.
His face, as a Clawdite, defies
All laws of reason
To fit any season.
A shapeshifter loves to surprise.

So then Zam drew a gun and opened fire
Which ignited Ani’s sword and his ire.
The hero, so dashing
Proceeded with slashing
Until he dropped his light saber. Bad squire!

So with Skywalker’s sword in midair
Obi Wan made a nice flying snare.
He’d have words for Ani later,
About trying to take greater
Precautions with his Jedi hardware.

Next time: Crash Landing

Thursday, May 26, 2011

The Chase is On

“What took you so long?” Obi grilled,
Upset at almost getting killed.
“You want to hitchhike?
Couldn’t find one I like,”
Replied Ani,  you could tell he was thrilled.

“My young padawan best bite his lips
And should work with his sword, not his quips.”
With Skywalker driving,
His ego was thriving
As after Zam Wesell he zips.

He drove like a bat out of hell.
Obi Wan wasn’t feeling so well.
“I don’t think you like flying,”
Said Anakin, sighing.
“Flying?! It’s suicide. Farewell!”

Obi Wan was coming unsnapped
Ani flew through an arc and got zapped.
For a moment seemed they’d lost’er
But Anakin regained his posture
Took a shortcut t’was perfectly mapped.

“Excuse me,” Anakin quipped.
Obi Wan thought his Padawan had flipped,
For he jumped o’er the side
And with gravity defied,
Landed on Wesell’s ride, (which he gripped).

Next time: Midair Struggle

Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones - Original Motion Picture Soundtrack

Wednesday, May 25, 2011

A Wild Ride

The bugs were ‘bout ready to bite
Poor Padme who slept through the night.
Lucky Anakins’ saber
Cut the worm... and his neighbor
And Padme was saved. Yay! Alright!

The droid was still hovering outside.
Obi Wan took no time to decide.
He was risking his...mass
As he jumped through the glass
And he took the bad droid for a ride.

As the droid carried Obi away
Down the Coruscant floating highway
Ani stormed the garage
And found a hodgepodge
Of fine speeders, but where’s the valet?

Obi Wan, hanging on real tight
Had a sweet birdseye view of the night
The droid did its best
To get rid of its guest
Giving Obi a turbulent flight.

Zam Wesell saw the droid’s botched return
And decided it was time it did burn.
She picked up her gun
And the droid’s days were done
In a fiery explosion, nocturne!

Obi Wan fell through space like a brick
Through traffic a hundred levels thick,
Until caught by a speeder
And I tell you, dear reader
That poor Obi was shocked and airsick.

Next time: The Chase Is On


Tuesday, May 24, 2011

Dreams Interrupted

“I’ve been having bad dreams,” Ani said.
“My mother is haunting my head.”
“These dreams will pass soon,
Even we aren’t immune
To our feelings which can be misread.”

While they talked, a small window appeared
Loud enough that Artoo woke and peered
A quick look around
It appeared safe and sound
So he switched off again...I know...weird.

Centipedes then proceeded to enter
While Ani conversed with his mentor.
They discussed politics
The mistrust it inflicts,
While the bugs inched their way t’wards the center.

Artoo woke up and shreiked in alarm.
The two bugs were now up Padme’s arm.
The Jedi sensed trouble
And they ran on the double
To keep Amidala from harm.

Next time: A Wild Ride

Monday, May 23, 2011


Mace and Yoda traversed down a hall.
They were trying to make sense of it all.
The Dark Side was growing
And the Jedi weren’t knowing
Why the Light Side was starting to pall.

Meanwhile Anakin stood watching guard
Though his line of clear sight had been barred.
Padme hindered his view
But she programmed Artoo
To warn Ani if the going got hard.

When the Senator had gone to bed
Obi Wan kept no secrets and said,
“You can’t use her as bait
That was not our mandate
We should tighten security instead.”

Calmly Anakin said, “Relax, man.
Through the Force I can sense better than
Any sensor we’ve got.
Though that astro robot
Is now doing a perimeter scan.”

Little did they know that outside
A small probe gave two creatures a ride
It was making its way
To a sleeping Padme,
(T’was the worms that Jango supplied.)

Next time: Dreams Interrupted

Sunday, May 22, 2011

The Assasins Plot Again

The young one was kinda bummed out.
He in fact even started to pout.
“Thought of her every day,
She just thinks I’m okay,
Did you see that? What’s that all about?”

Jar Jar said that Padme was happy.
Obi Wan told him not to get sappy.
“Padawan, please don’t sob
Let us just do our job.
Check security and make it snappy.”

Across town way up high on a ledge
Was some scum, the worst kind you could dredge.
Jango Fett and Zam Wesell
In a hovering vessel
Were making a murderous pledge.

Jango handed Zam Wesell a jar
With some centipedes, dire and bizarre.
As Zam took the cup,
Fett said, “Don’t mess this up,
Amidala must not win this war.”

Next time: Stakeout

Star Wars: Episode 2 > Zam Wesell with Face Reveal Action Action Figure

Saturday, May 21, 2011

Learn Your Place, Padawan

“I don’t need a chaperone who’s protective.
What really would like is a detective
To find out who is trying
To blow me up and make me dying
I think that should really be your main objective.”

Obi Wan reminded her their charter,
To prevent her from becoming a martyr.
But Anakin promised more
He said he’d mop the floor
With the assassin’s face and then once again…even harder.

“We will not exceed our mandate, young padawan!”
Was the stern rebuke that came from Obi Wan.
“Keeping her from harm
From evil gendarme
Not investigating hither and yon!”

“This assasin is Padme’s vexing specter,
By hunting him down, we’d protect her.”
Anakin argued
In a way that did intrude
On Obi Wan’s role as the duo’s director.

“Anakin, you will follow my lead.
Your britches’ capacity you exceed,”
Obi did decry,
But Anakin asked, “Why?”
As Jedi, their presence was overkill indeed.

“We will follow the instructions from Mace
And you will remember your place.”
Said Obi to his student
Trying to be prudent.
Padme intervened with diplomatic grace.

”Perhaps by your mere presence you’ll uncover
This mysterious cloud that doth hover”
And with that reprieve,
The Senator took her leave,
And Anakin thought, “Man, I love her.”

Next time: The Assassins Plot Again

Friday, May 20, 2011

Old Friends Reunited

Wanting to protect, not offend,
The Jedi assigned an old friend,
To watch after Padme
The two person cadre
Of Obi Wan and Anakin they’d send.

Coincidentally, those two appeared
And my friends, it was just as I feared
He used to be small
But now Anakin was tall
And Obi Wan had grown himself a beard.

Obi Wan had picked up an odd sense
That Anakin was growing more tense.
His face went all flush
Because of his crush,
Obi Wan laughed at Anakin’s expense.

“Here goes nothing,” Anakin thinks.
The door opened and there was Mr. Binks!
Upon seeing Kenobi,
He yells, “Obi Obi Obi!”
Then he looks at Anakin and he blinks.

“And you must be who?” Jar Jar begins...
“OH! He’s so big! Its Anakins!”
He gives a big hug,
And with a sheepish mug,
Says, “Shesa waitin...come on ins.”

The Gungan entered, smiling ear to ear.
Cleared his throat and announced, “Looks who’s here!”
Amidala and Obi greeted
And then she was treated
To an awkward compliment from Ani, though sincere.

She laughed it off, called him “little boy”
Anakin blushed, but it gave Obi and Typho joy.
“You won’t notice us here,”
Said Obi-Wan, lest she fear,
That the Jedi would be meddlesome and annoy.

Next time: Learn Your Place Padawan

Thursday, May 19, 2011

Palpatine and the Jedi

So the real Amidala lived to fight another day
And Captain Typho safely whisked her away.
In the next scene
We find Palpatine
Meeting with a Jedi soiree.

“At some point it will come to a vote,”
Said the Chancellor, who then seemed to gloat.
“I won’t let this be,
They must listen to me,
I won’t let the Separatists sink my boat.”

Mace Windu, (who wore no hairpiece),
Said, “The Jedi are keepers of peace.
If the Separatists defect,
We’re too few to protect
You would need extra troops for police.

“Master Yoda, will it really come to war?”
Chancellor Palpatine did implore.
“The Dark Side clouds me
So impossible to see
So I can’t really say any more.”

A buzzing sound informed the group
Of the arrival of Amidala’s troop
After greetings were passed,
The Senator asked,
“This assasination attempt, what’s the scoop?”

They had hunches but not for sure who...
Amidala said, “I think it’s Count Dooku.”
This caused some surprise
But in the Jedi’s eyes
Dooku was not evil, just cuckoo.

Then the talk took a serious inflection,
Palpatine made a most wise suggestion.
Against Padme’s will
He insisted still
That she be placed under Jedi protection.

Next time: Old Friends Reunited

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Opening Crawl

I’m back from whereabouts unknowns
Called by popular demand (and some groans).
I did some writing while I was gone,
And now the story must go on,
So welcome to part two, “Attack of the Clones”.

Years passed since the events on Theed.
The Republic had some wanting to secede.
They sure meant it
And told the Senate,
“We’re splitting so we can get what we need.”

The Separatists made peace unsure.
And not everything had a Jedi cure.
And it’s worth noting
The Senate was voting
On whether or not an army to procure.

Amidala, the Queen of Naboo,
Is now a Senator in Episode Two
So amid all this din
Is where we’ll begin,
Over Coruscant, her ship comes into view.

Two Naboo fighters escorted her down
To the landing platform high above town
The fighter pilots disembarked
And one of them remarked,
“I guess there was no danger,” with a frown.

No sooner had Captain Typho spoken
The silence of the moment was broken
The “danger” that he boded
Manifested and exploded
As a bomb caused a-screamin’ and a-croakin’.

The Senator sunk down to the ground
And she died as everyone gathered ‘round
But the person in the rubble
Was actually a stunt double,
Amidala was the other pilot, everyone found.

Next Time: Palpatine and the Jedi

Monday, May 16, 2011

Galactic Empire Times

This one was forwarded to me from my buddy David, thanks D.C.!

Newspaper article describing the Empire's "catching" of Obi Wan Kenobi. Some of the funniest parts are in the reader comments.

Click here for the story

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Saturday, May 14, 2011

This guy owns his own R2 unit!

"This exact working replica was built by Michael Senna in 2003. It made more than 100 appearances in its first 4 years, including mostly charity events, as well as conventions, promotional events and TV appearances. R2-D2 spreads joy everywhere he goes, to people of all ages! "

Star Wars 6" IR RC Clone Wars R2D2